Pretending: change reality

Take a look at this article:

Self help: forget positive thinking, try positive action by Richard Wiseman in The Observer, Saturday 30 June 2012 22.40 BST

"More than a century ago William James (brother of the novelist Henry James) proposed a radically different approach to change. Decades of research has shown that his theory applies to almost every aspect of everyday life, and can be used to help people feel happier, avoid anxiety and worry, fall in love and live happily ever after, stay slim, increase their willpower and confidence, and even slow the effects of ageing (my italics)."

It's all about going beyond positive thinking and using positive actions to influence your mood and your health, and even other people. So, don't just think positive thoughts to feel happier. That might not be enough. Force a smile and it will make you will happier. 

It starts out with pretending to be happy. You don't feel like smiling, but put on a fake one and then it turns real. I do that all the time! I start to daydream and worry, but I pull myself out of it by smiling. It helps to think a positive thought at the same time or turn my attention to something nice while I'm smiling, but it will work just to smile. A positive thing will come: a happy thought will pop into my head or something pretty will catch my attention once I'm smiling. It really works. 

Influencing other people by nodding when you want them to agree with you sounds like it might work too. I'll have to try it. 

We've all heard that you're only as old as you think you are, but there's a study where they got a bunch of men to act younger too, and after a week of this youthful behaviour, they improved their "dexterity, speed of movement, memory, blood pressure, eyesight and hearing."

Here's what the article says about smiling and nodding to encourage agreement, but there are several more examples that you'll want to read : 

"HAPPINESS: Smile

This is the granddaddy of them all. As Laird's study demonstrated, smile and you will feel happier. To get the most out of this exercise, make the smile as wide as possible, extend your eyebrow muscles slightly upward, and hold the resulting expression for about 20 seconds."

"PERSUASION: Nod

If people nod while they listen to a discussion they are more likely to agree with the points being made. When you want to encourage someone to agree with you, subtly nod your head as you chat with them. Research led by Gary Wells of Iowa State University shows that they will reciprocate the movement and find themselves strangely attracted to your way of thinking."

Harmony: Nature and Choir

Take a look at this blog post on my choir blog, Renate's Baton. I wrote about my experiences in nature and in my choir which help me to keep a positive perspective. It's called "The choir of life sounds great."

Singing in a choir is an excellent way to contribute to your own happiness and to spread happiness. This season, our annual spring concert was called, "Singing with Friends: Spreading Harmony". And, I truly believe that my choir spreads harmony and increases the happiness of its members, the community and the world. That's a perfect Pollyannaish statement.

All you need is love (da da-da da-da)

Lovingkindness is all we need. You don't really have to feel love for everyone. But, we need to try to treat everyone with lovingkindness. It's something I was taught by my parents and that I hear taught in church.

People are keeping the bullying ball in the air, having talks, publishing articles and making videos to remind us that kids are being bullied and it's a terrible thing. I wish they would look at adult bullying too, and the causes of it. It's really no surprise that some kids are bullies when they see it working for lots of powerful grown-ups, and that some kids are silent victims because they see that even in the world of grown-ups there are rarely any consequences for bullies, only more punishment for victims.

Sometimes I think that if everyone would just listen to a few pieces of music, it would all be better. Listen to the Beatles sing their words of wisdom, Let it Be and All You Need is Love.

Sometimes I think that if everyone could volunteer in a school at lunchtime for a while, they'd see that all the kids are lovable.

Sometimes I think that if everyone would have a chance to work in an ESL class in Toronto, it would all be better. They would see that other people are really okay, more than okay, lovable.

I just read this article about otherizing, (Otherizing by Mirabai Starr, Huffington Post, June 8, 2013) having clicked a link from Facebook. The concept of otherizing is powerful. Here's what the author says:

"The illusion of separation is what causes violence and oppression. The minute we identify an individual or a group as being the Other, we banish ourselves to a spiritual wasteland and justify treating someone else with anything less than lovingkindness."

We have to get this message across. Everyone deserves lovingkindness. Justify that. Too many people who should be sharing this loving message are too busy righteously otherizing and righteously justifying their unkindness (and worse) instead. Many of them are loud and powerful. Try not to join them. We need to be louder than the bullies.

There are lots of people making beautiful music and art and writing good books and even just sharing inspiring quotes on Facebook. Keep sharing the good stuff, and think twice before sharing something that makes someone else look bad or stupid, even if you think they "deserve it". Focus on the positive and the beautiful, and listen to music. Join a movement of Happiness. It will all be better.

Baby Laughter: What Joy!

I know that videos like this make a site slower, but I just had to get the shot of this cutie laughing. I had to share this video of a baby and her big full-body laugh. We should all laugh like this regularly. She's very happy to just watch Dad throw some popcorn for the dog to catch. Dogs and kids: gifts of love and silliness. Sure, you've got to deal with the sleepless nights and spit up on your shoulder, drool and doggy doodles, but a laugh like that cancels out all of that in a moment! What joy!

Ageing: looking ahead at looking back

With ageing, I'm just starting to feel part of the conversation.

I'm starting to have difficulty reading the little letters and my songs are starting to play on the oldies stations. My friends tell me I look great and comment on my relative lack of lines. We're reminiscing more than we used to. Looking back takes up almost as much time as looking at where are kids are and what they're doing next. We're remembering how we managed without the internet and texting. We're proud to wear clothes that we've had for over 20 years.

Something to look forward to: as you get older, you start remembering less bad stuff and more good. It's part of the Pollyanna Principle. The reality of your past gets better. You know we'll talk about "the Good Old Days".

I'm not ready for a senior's discount yet, but I'm starting to feel a shift in my place along the continuum of age. It's not a big deal. I've got a sister who's over a decade older than I am, so I'm always relatively young. All of those big milestones are much less shocking when she's gone through a bigger one and survived with grace.

I'm only turning 50 next year. I'm still young, right?

Benefits of Optimism

This is a great, great-big list of 45 benefits of optimism, which I copied from a blog post by Ayo Olaniyan on Life Optimizer. http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2010/03/24/benefits-of-optimism/

I hope to spend time looking into most of these with this blog. 

In no particular order, here are 45 benefits of optimism:

1. It gives you a reason for living.
2. It reduces the level of stress experienced.
3. Research shows that it increases longevity.
4. It enables you to handle and put your emotions in check.
5. It promotes happiness.
6. It promotes self respect and integrity
7. It enhances various coping skills developed in order to combat life’s struggles.
8. It forges persistence which is an essential trait required for achieving success.
9. It creates a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.
10. It promotes healthy living.
11. It creates a positive anticipation of the future.
12. It increases your level of productivity.
13. It allows you to deal with failure constructively.
14. It allows you to develop the attribute of patience.
15. It makes you proactive.
16. It improves your physiological and psychological well being.
17. It enables you to take a balanced approach to life by dealing with the constant negative thoughts which spring up.
18. It increases the likelihood of effective problem solving.
19. It gives you peace of mind.
20. It enables you to generate an alternative, more hopeful explanation for various difficulties experienced.
21. It ensures you believe in your dream.
22. It creates a positive attitude.
23. It increases your tolerance levels because it lowers the risk of you being irritated by little things.
24. It allows you to develop the habit of being thankful.
25. It increases your level of motivation.
26. It builds successful careers by promoting productivity.
27. It promotes laughter.
28. It doesn’t give any room for self denial.
29. It welcomes any form of constructive change.
30. It creates positive expectations.
31. It sets your mood for the day.
32. It promotes positive relationships.
33. It builds resilience in the face of adversity.
34. It promotes self confidence and boosts self esteem.
35. It ensures you are focused.
36. It promotes bonding between individuals.
37. It reduces the level of your frustrations and worries.
38. It promotes forgiveness.
39. It enhances effective communication.
40. It increases your spiritual development and awakening.
41. It deals with your limiting beliefs which try to keep you from using your abilities.
42. It gives room for self expression.
43. It increases your mental flexibility.
44. It is therapeutic.
45. It improves your social life.

Proud Pollyanna

I embrace my inner Pollyanna. 

Here's what Wikipedia says about Pollyanna:

Pollyanna is a best-selling 1913 novel by Eleanor H. Porter that is now considered a classic of children's literature, with the title character's name becoming a popular term for someone with the same optimistic outlook.

The novel's success brought the "Pollyanna principle" (along with the adjective "Pollyannaish" and the noun "Pollyannaism") into the language to describe someone who seems always to be able to find something to be "glad" about no matter what circumstances arise. It is sometimes used pejoratively, referring to someone whose optimism is excessive to the point of naïveté or refusing to accept the facts of an unfortunate situation. This pejorative use can be heard in the introduction of the 1930 George and Ira Gershwin song But Not For Me: "I never want to hear from any cheerful pollyannas/who tell me fate supplies a mate/that's all bananas."

I don't hold it against people if they think that optimism is naive or delusional, but I wish they'd lighten up.  People who see the negative are seen as thinking realistically, but that's not a full picture of reality. If I don't dwell on the dark side, it doesn't mean I don't see it. I think I make the better choice by fostering the positive. 

For some reason, sarcasm is considered witty, but it's not funny or smart to ridicule people. Luckily, there is a trend to promote happiness and a focus on bullying that should open people's eyes to the thoughtless- but definitely not harmless- negativity that is spread by people in the name of humour. I've been told countless times that I have "no sense of humour". Funny, I laugh and smile and enjoy life more than those who tell me that. 

I was once called a Pollyanna, and while not said with derision, it was obviously not a compliment. I don't mind if people think I'm too positive. It's much better to annoy people with optimism than to annoy people with sarcasm or gloom. I choose to be cheery.