Body Language: Fake it till you become it

This Ted Talk,

Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are

which came to me via Facebook (I spend way too much time on FB), arrived at a perfect time for me.

I just turned 50, this week, and I know it's not such a big deal, and I tried not to make a big deal of it, but the half-century milestone apparently is a big deal. Lots of people are making a big deal of my 50th birthday and tell me stories of their own big plans for theirs, past or future.

So many people are surprised that I'm 50! They remark again and again that I look so young! They would never have guessed that I'm 50.

So, I'm not young, but look shockingly young for someone so old?!!! I know, I know; that's not what they mean. They're trying to compliment me. And, I do feel flattered.

But, it makes me wonder.

What is it that makes me youthful?

My good skin? I don't have many wrinkles, okay almost none, but I do have large pores, some acne, and those little veins on my cheeks from the sun. I don't wear makeup, or do anything special with creams and things, so it's not good cosmetics.

I colour my hair, so you can't see the grey. Covering grey helps, but lots of octogenarians do too.

My clothes? Not likely. I do a lot of second-hand shopping. No high-fashion items, nothing trendy in my closet.

I have young children. I had my youngest at 36, so I'm older than other mothers of 13-year-olds. Calculate child's age plus 25-30 and I'm a decade older than your calculation. That could be the simple answer to the shock. Wow, math.

I like to think that I appear to be younger than I am because of the presence that I generally have, the way I stand and walk in the world. My optimism, confidence, and enthusiasm make me pretty and young. Somehow, they show. Maybe that's in my body language.

I've always been aware of the positive feedback loop of body language. It's just like the mirror neurons that make you smile when someone else is smiling, and then make you feel more positive. You might be triggered to yawn just reading the word yawn. You stand akimbo like Wonder Woman, smile and speak with confidence, and you feel stronger, and people see you as being in charge, then you feed off of that too.

I try to stand and sit tall, and am aware of the suck-in-your-gut magic weight loss trick. Mostly, I try not to worry too much about my weight and my skin and hair and all those things that the media want me to worry about. Let it go. I spend my energy on being present in the moment, listening, participating, laughing, crying. I smile a lot.

This Ted Talk is about non-verbal expressions of power and dominance, and using "power posing" to achieve success, but I think it's also about being positive in general. Standing tall and having a good attitude about yourself and the world is powerful. Being negative and having a bad attitude about yourself and the world is also powerful, powerfully unattractive.

I agree that power posing can change your life in meaningful ways. I also believe that being positive attracts positive people and even positive outcomes- good luck some might say.

When I'm super-nervous before a show, I try to smile and stand tall. I positively strut on stage. I beam out at the audience and then I beam at my choir. People are always shocked when they hear that I was nervous. Not only did I fool all of them, the choir and the audience, but I also fooled myself. My powerful persona takes over and it's wonderful. We all benefit.

So, I'm going to keep on being optimistic, confident, and enthusiastic, and continue to be present in the moment, and I hope to continue to shock people with how young and calm I appear.