I lost it. My positivity. I became moody, emotional, agitated, sad. My ability to reframe negative experiences slowly disappeared. I cried every day for one reason or another.
I tried lots of ways to stay positive during the COVID pandemic to varying degrees of success. Most of them were the usual recommended ones, and some of them the usual unhealthy ones.
I gained weight because I often chose comfort foods and "fun" foods and beverages, like potato chips and vodka as rewards or compensation. I used alcohol to feel better, almost a drink a day for some time. I would feel okay about it because I wasn’t drinking in the daytime or more than one a day. For the 2021 new year, I resolved to eat better and to drink less, to cut down to 2 or 3 drinks a week. It's getting there, but we're half way through the year already, and I'm still drinking more than that. I haven’t started using legal marijuana, so that’s something, right? I make big efforts to eat better but then I reward myself with treats like desserts or poutine or a fancy drink. Ugh.
The Canadian and American public health websites had prominent lists of ways to take care of our mental health during COVID. I’ll go down the Canadian list to show how I’m doing and what I’ve done to push myself out of my funk.
Tips for taking care of yourself (From the Government of Canada site):
- Stay informed but take breaks from social media and the news.
- Practise physical distancing, but stay socially connected to friends and family through:
- phone calls
- video chats
- social media
- Practise mindfulness by:
- stretching
- meditating
- taking deep breaths
- Try to:
- eat healthy meals
- exercise regularly
- get plenty of sleep
- Follow safe food handling and cooking practices to keep you and your family safe by killing the virus and lowering your risk of infection.
- Think about how to use any unexpected flexibility in your daily routine.
- Focus on the positive aspects of your life and things you can control.
- Be kind and compassionate to yourself and others.
- If you can, limit your use of substances.
- If you do use substances, practise safer use and good hygiene.
1. Stay informed but take breaks:
Avoiding the news was a big one. I've been doing that forever though. I’ve never been comfortable watching TV news. I can’t stand CP24. I get highlights, enough to keep relatively current, mostly through social media. I don't use Twitter at all anymore but I spend way too much time on Facebook and Instagram. I actually set up a time limit on my phone to curb that. Hearing about COVID deaths was upsetting, all that data was stressful. Now that I’m not working, I’m at a computer way less, and can put my phone away for long breaks.
2. Stay apart but connected:
Hearing and seeing friends and family doing well and posting positive things on social media is always wonderful. Zoom dates, and FaceTime, Messenger, and Houseparty have all been great ways to see people I couldn't see. Connecting electronically has saved us. I saw some friends and family members more in video calls than before, because we live so far apart. At work, we used Teams for meeting and collaborating. It was good, but people didn’t all have access to use video, and although I tried to get everyone to at least have a profile photo, not everyone did. It was good, but, it was disappointing and it wasn’t enough. Management also pressured us into returning to the office, which was unsettling. I do think that seeing the people you work with is important. Connecting socially is important for workplaces too. Remote work is fine if there are good opportunities to connect.
3. Stay mindful:
Mindfulness is great when you can break through the clouds of depression. I installed the Calm (www.calm.com) app so that I could use the guided meditations and calming music. It helped. Breathing with rhythm is something I’m pretty good at. Breathing I can do. I’m also good at gratitude. I’ve always been positive in that way, recognizing all of the things that I have to be thankful for. Still, sometimes I would have to remind myself to breathe and take notice of my blessings. Stretching is another story. I'm not so great at that so I'm trying to become more flexible.
4. Stay healthy:
I’m a good breather and also a good sleeper. It sounds like nothing, but being mindful and grateful for calming breaths and good restful sleep helps. For exercise, I started walking Dexter every morning. It helped to exercise and to appreciate the trees and parks in my neighbourhood. Walking in our neighbourhoods has been the only way to get of the house that so many of us have had for the past year or so. Something fun and active that I do at least once weekly is have a “dance party”, where I put on loud dance music and dance around the house. My older child who lives at home joins me. I use music to calm myself and to energize myself, to help myself focus and to block out the world. I already mentioned that eating and drinking are an issue. But, I recently visited a new doctor and tests showed good blood pressure and cholesterol and iron and all the usual things that they check. I’m grateful for this healthy body of mine. I've got to be sure to keep it healthy.
5. Keep safe shopping and preparing food:
We eat home-cooked meals almost exclusively and have always done so. Because of personal preferences, we tend to over-cook things. Staying safe in the kitchen is not new or difficult for us. I enjoy preparing food so I’m always reading about it too, and that keeps me informed. Harry has been the hero and done most of the grocery shopping throughout the pandemic, especially at the beginning. Our grocery stores are careful and safe, and we can go shopping when there aren’t many other shoppers. Something new that we started during the pandemic is that we occasionally enjoy ordering dinner from local restaurants for delivery or pick-up. Maybe when we can go out again, we'll visit them more regularly too.
6. Stay positive and kind:
I’ve included all of the last points from the list (except substance use. Mine is alcohol and I’ve talked about that) in this section. For me, they all fit together. I am being more positive and kinder to myself and others now that I have taken care of my schedule by leaving my job. Flexibility in my schedule was something that I didn’t have while I was working, and my free time was a thing I didn’t manage well. I felt that I couldn’t take advantage of free time because I was exhausted, spent, and cranky after work. I tried to take lunch breaks on my deck, and tried to keep work and home separate. It only worked a bit. Ultimately, there was little I could do to control how much I was working. It was hard to stay positive when my days were spent under pressure and I became more and more sad and angry and less and less positive. I would catch myself being sarcastic and swearing at people and then I’d feel even worse. Removing myself from work was the answer for me. Apparently it’s been a common occurrence during the pandemic. People are retiring early, as the financial situation seems less important than it used to. How much money do you really need? How can we manage differently?
June 2021:
I had to make a major life change in order to survive, to pull myself up and find the positivity that I had lost. The problems at work weren’t new. The extra stress of COVID didn’t make me crazy, or just overly sensitive, but it made me unable to control my reactions to things, kind of like a year of PMS. And, I was exhausted. The lack of social time and all the other losses we experienced due to the pandemic highlighted the importance of family and friends, home and nature, and self-care. “The Company” would be fine without me. So, I left my job. I retired early, without a pension or a gold watch, but still young, only 57. I'm going to take some time over the summer to relax and take care of myself, my family and my friends. When and if I decide to take a job again, it will have to be slower-paced and more meaningful. I'm currently giving some of my time to my choir, which makes me very happy. I'm taking time to play piano and guitar and ukulele, trying to see if I can accompany myself singing. Singing is something I love and feel strongly about. I want to sing with people. I also love writing, so I'm spending time here too.
My positivity is coming back, but only because I've made changes and I'm making efforts. My natural good nature only takes me so far, and the rest depends on thoughtful, careful choices. A positive personality is something that has to be cultivated and nurtured, otherwise, it can wilt, apparently. The good news is that it can also grow. (I’ll drink to that!-wait…)
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