Selective Hearing and Selective Memory: Survival

My selective memory is a natural survival mechanism that I thought I had no control over. I became aware that my memory has selected to delete some things when I tried to remember something about a bad time in my life. I've blocked whole chunks of my life from access. I have only the smallest snippet of a memory of my father's funeral, and a tiny fragment of the drive to his burial. It's selective amnesia, actually, isn't it?

What I've come to understand is that I might not have been aware of it in the past, might not have considered it, but I do have some control over what I remember. I can control my selective listening and watching. I can tune things out. And, I think that's what happened with those past things that I can't retrieve. I shut my eyes, walked away and shut out the world. I put the music on loud, sang along, danced, and forgot. I do that now quite frequently. When I have the choice, I select and deselect.

When one pays careful attention to something, mindful of all one's senses in the moment, strong memories are made which can be retrieved easily. A small thing can trigger those memories, a smell, a taste, a melody, the fabric of your dress or maybe the colour. Drink in the good stuff, sniff and taste, feel with attention, and fill yourself with all the sensations of a happy moment. Trigger that.

I have to pay more and better attention to all the good stuff. I feel some regret for not paying enough attention to wonderful things in the past. I have forgotten too much. I'm lucky that I do avoid spending time on negative things, and I have ways of redirecting myself towards positivity. During this pandemic, however, I've spent much more time than ever before dwelling in feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment, shame, frustration, impatience, repulsion, regret, fear, worry, and despair. 

Twice though, in difficult circumstances this past year, I was very much comforted, and able to comfort others, with the knowledge that in time we would forget. The emotional and physical pain and the details of the current predicament would not only end in the near future but would also be difficult, maybe even impossible, to remember in the more distant future. We are counting our blessings.

On a light note (pun intended), I think that people who think that the best music was made in their formative years forget all the music that was considered simple, shocking, or just ugly back then. They also choose not to hear all the good new music that is being made now. Their parents did the same thing. Every generation has parents saying, "What is this horrible stuff you're listening to?" They don't really pay attention to current music. The things that are shocking to their ears stick out and offend. There are always comfortable "oldies" stations for them, old hits or "classic" rock.  I find it funny when I'm listening to an oldies station and they play what was considered an edgy song when I was younger. Looking back, it is so tame! I'm glad that I understand this and I am open to enjoying and appreciating (most of) the music my children love. 

Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't have a poker face, can't play those games.

My feelings are often stronger than my self-control. I'm lucky I can hold my tongue, mostly, but I blush and I cry and I laugh out loud. I occasionally blurt out a four-letter-word, but I also have been heard yelling: "Four-Letter-Word!" It's rarely a problem. 

I wish some people would be nicer, or would at least hold their tongues, and refrain from plastering negativity on stickers on their cars, on social media, or on their shirts. 

There are kind and supportive messages to be found. I recently did a little "window shopping" at Torrid (a plus size clothing store that I like), you know, where you just click around and add things to the shopping cart that you wish you could buy, but can't, or wouldn't? There were lots of nice t-shirts and sweatshirts with really fun stuff on them. I would wear this one, that says EVERY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL.

There was another one that I really wanted. It said PSST! YOU'RE DOING GREAT! 

It's coming on Christmas, so one of the seasonal tops said ALL MAMA NEEDS IS A SILENT NIGHT.

I'm happy to see that we can share our love and support for each other with our clothing, wearing our hearts on our sleeves, or chests, I guess.

These shirts reminded me of those kiosks in the malls that sell t-shirts with sports or band themes and pictures of skeletons and poop. I try to avoid them. When I was young, they had nicer kiosks where they would put your name on the back while you walked around window shopping (the kind where you're actually going into the store, but not putting anything in a cart. "No, thanks. I'm just looking."). I think they used the Cooper Black font. I remember lots of yellow smiley faces and Have a Nice Day. But, that might be my weird selective memory (another subject for another time). 

Good Attitude Extends Life

Research shows that Positive Thinking prevents heart attacks. A good attitude extends your life. And, if you're not an old Pollyanna like me, you can turn things around; you don't have to be born this way. You can become a happier, more positive person by building relationships, expressing gratitude, practicing kindness, dropping grudges, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep, according to The Greater Good Science Center*. 

    “Happiness takes work,” as Lyubomirsky says in a Greater Good video. “The good news is that the activities that foster happiness and well-being can become habitual over time, and so once they become habitual, the effort decreases.”

There is a lot of advice for increasing happiness on the internet, not just here on my blog. Here's what Cleveland Heart Lab** says:

Negative thinking is often just a bad habit that you can change. Here are some ways to develop a sunnier outlook:

Practice gratitude.

Counting your blessings helps you have more positive thoughts. Some people keep a notebook and jot down the things they are grateful for. Others say thanks to others as they go about their daily lives.

Hang out with positive people.

Optimism rubs off. Being around optimists can help you think like they do.

Review what went right at the end of the day.

What did you enjoy? What made you feel appreciated? This practice can help you have positive thoughts before you sleep, which affects your first thoughts in the morning.

Turn off the news.

The current climate of politics can make it hard to be optimistic. Being informed is important, but try to limit the amount of time you spend getting news.

Just smile.

It can change your mood and also helps you connect with others. Plus, smiling can lower your blood pressure and stress hormones, which are also good for your heart.

Learning to think like an optimist takes practice. But it’s well worth it for your heart and well-being!

Here's a short list (with links) of some of the numerous posts and articles on this subject.  

 

Heart and Stroke Foundation

**Cleveland Heart Lab

John Hopkins Medicine

*Greater Good Science Center

Science Magazine

The Glad Game - Today’s Version

Today's version of Pollyanna's Glad Game is an Attitude of Gratitude.

In any negative situation, if you look hard enough, you can find something to be glad about. Pollyanna was taught this coping strategy by her father before he died. They called it the Glad Game. 

This Psychology Today article* from 2019 looks at research on gratitude's effects on wellbeing. Keeping a gratitude journal, or writing a daily list of things that you're thankful for, or performing some kind of regular gratitude exercise, has been shown to improve mental and physical health. The author suggests that Pollyanna is misunderstood, that this kind of positivity is very healthy and should not be seen as unrealistic or negative. Yes! I'm happy I found someone who so clearly agrees with me.

Here's a quote from that article:

    See if you can find something to be glad about and grateful for in every situation, no matter how bad things seem, and if someone dares to call you a Pollyanna, smile and say thank you.

I do see how going too far with this can become toxic positivity. If you don't give space for other people to feel their negativity, and insist that they find a good side to their terrible circumstances, then you might be called names, and, Pollyanna wouldn't be the worst of them. We always want to be gentle with people who are suffering. 

Make this practice about you, about your own way of processing things that happen, to you or to others. 

*The Real Story of Pollyanna and Her Secret Happiness Game
 by Jennice Vilhauer Ph.D. 
June 30, 2019

I Choose Real, Really Good: Real Food, Real Books, Real Live Music

It occurred to me that I have a preference for real things. Usually, if there's a choice between a real thing or a contrived or artificial thing, I choose the simpler and natural one. 

I avoid food supplements, pills and shakes or smoothies as meals, and things that have unnaturally long shelf lives.

I feel especially good when my exercise is gardening or cleaning, when my movement arises naturally from an active day. A live Zumba class is better than a recorded one. My elliptical sits quiet. 

I am pining for real choir. I want to see my choir singing shoulder-to-shoulder with our accompanist playing our accompaniments on a real piano. That's really, really good. The keyboard is okay, but just because it's practical. Recordings will do in a pinch. Zoom Choir is just a necessary, very poor substitute.

Live music and live sports events are so much more satisfying than YouTube, right?

Reading a book on an electronic device is not real, not preferable, but okay.

I need face-to-face friendship. Yesterday, I had lunch in a restaurant with girlfriends and it was so good! Talking about life with a kind hand on your arm is invaluable. Real live friends are priceless.

I choose real when I can.

 

Positive Thinking when So Much is Negative

When so much around us is negative, how do we manage to stay positive?

Some of us are born positive. Positive thinking comes easy to us. 

Others need some help. 

I'm one of those annoyingly positive people, but I have days (or lately, months, years) when I find myself in a dark place and I feel like staying there, getting comfortable there in the discomfort. 

When I need help getting back to the light, I have lots of tools in my toolbox. I'm sharing my list of healthy strategies for coping with negativity, which I'm calling my lighten-up toolbox.

My toolbox should look different from yours, partly because I'm naturally inclined to positivity, but also because we all have our preferences. Lots of people drink tea to feel better or knit, for example, which I don't choose. If you have "things" like knitting or colouring gear that you can put in a basket by your favourite chair, that would be a great lighten-up toolbox. You can throw in some index cards with keywords on them to remind yourself of things to do that will help. An internet search of "coping toolbox" will give you lots of ideas. 

I got this image from this Site with lots of good information on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

Writing this list out here on my blog has helped me to remember the things that work for me. Maybe I should add making lists to the list. 

My Lighten-Up Toolbox

• Smiles (I put on a fake smile, then rest my face in that smile, breathe, ahhh)
• Water (Sometimes I'm cranky because I'm thirsty and just a glass of water does the trick.)
• Hugs (I hug anyone, everyone, especially my family and my dog-  COVID has been so hard!)
• Mindful Breathing (I'm really good at breathing, because I sing and I have played wind instruments.)
• Reframing Thoughts (Like Pollyanna, I can usually find the good side, the silver lining on anything.)
• Redirecting or Leaving Noxious Conversations or Situations (I naturally avoid conflict, and it's usually a healthy thing. Avoid news, angry people, uncomfortable topics.)
• Walks (Walking the dog makes me feel good, and when I'm outside, I notice how beautiful trees are, and what a nice neighbourhood I live in.)
• Guided Meditation (I use the Calm app, love Tamara Levitt.)
• Singing (I sing along to Taylor Swift, or Elton John, a playlist made by Victoria, Christmas carols, 80s tunes. Sometimes singing leads to dancing)
• Dancing (I put on the Apple Music Dance Workout Playlist, close the curtains, start with a jog, and do some aerobics moves, but also silly things that just feel good. Sometimes dancing leads to singing) 
• Pizza (I hesitate to put food on this list because it's a big, messy thing, but some foods are just happier than others. Pizza is one of many for me. I'm sure there are healthier ones.) 
• Other bits and pieces (Just like a real toolbox, this one has lots of random stuff rattling around in it. Sometimes it's a surprise what I find in here when I'm rifling through the regular things.)

Don't Hesitate to Meditate or Medicate

When stress is bad, it's bad. It doesn't just feel bad in the moment, but can also have lasting and far-reaching effects. 

   "Cumulative lifetime stress accelerates epigenetic aging, a predictor of the rate of biological aging," says Perla Kaliman, Ph.D., a professor at the Universitat Oberta de Catalunya in Spain. 

That quote comes from the Shape article that I saved and decided to write about. We need to protect ourselves from stress and deal with our tension to stay healthy. They recommend meditation as the way to protect ourselves from the damaging effects of stress. If you take care of your diet and exercise and add meditation, you should be good. 

This is the fifth and final post of my five-part series on slowing down ageing according to that Shape article that I liked.  I will not stop thinking about and talking about staying healthy as we age though. There is so much information out there and so much advice from everyone about what we should or shouldn't do as we get older! 

My posts parts 1 and 2 were about diet: here’s a link to the Omega-3 post and a link to the frequent small meals post. Parts 3 and 4 were about movement: here's a link to the one about being active every day and a link to the one about avoiding sitting too much.  

    #5 Deal with your tension 

A brief Google search identified a number of signs of stress which to me sounded an awful lot like symptoms of menopause and ageing. But then, Google also said that stress is really just about change:

    Stress is a normal human reaction that happens to everyone. In fact, the human body is designed to experience stress and react to it. When you experience changes or challenges (stressors), your body produces physical and mental responses. That's stress. Stress responses help your body adjust to new situations.

So, we're okay getting stressed if it's a passing thing, like the stress you feel before you go into a job interview. We can face all kinds of natural and normal stressors every day. But, if it's going on too long, like during a pandemic or the years of perimenopause and then menopause, and you don't do anything to take care of it, then you can experience some serious consequences:

• Pain and tension
• Irritability
• Anxiety 
• Depression 
• Mood swings
• Compulsive behavior
• Memory and concentration problems
• Low sex drive 

If you're feeling some of those serious consequences, talk to your doctor. Get some good, reliable advice. It's quite possible that medication will help you. Are you more likely to take meds for pain and muscle tension than for anxiety? Mental Health is a big issue, especially now during the pandemic, and we need to accept help. We need to accept that laughter is good, but medicine is sometimes the best medicine.  

I consulted the CMHA and the NIMH, the Canadian and American government health departments' websites, and found lots of useful information on Mental Health and stress. These links will take you directly to pages I liked. I recommend spending some time on the CMHA and NIMH websites to find things that speak to you, tips that make sense to you (and, really, talk to a health professional if you're experiencing serious stress symptoms). 

Diet, Exercise, Sleep are all the first factors mentioned everywhere. Seems like these are the things to focus on to manage your stress. If you get your daily routines of sleep and activity and eating in order, then your mind and body will be able to tackle things that come along. But, sometimes that's not enough, and there are lots of ways-including meditation-to deal with your tension. Here are a few:

• Avoid tobacco and nicotine products (so happy that I never started smoking)
• Learn relaxation techniques like meditation (I downloaded an app)
• Reduce your stress triggers (I left my job)
• Examine your values and live by them (this writing is part of my values exercise)
• Set realistic goals and expectations (don't add stress about failing)
• Laugh, especially with friends (community is important)
• Sing and dance without inhibition (my favourite)

You've heard that laughter is the best medicine. It's often true for me that laughing about things reduces their power to hurt me. In general, music is my best medicine. Music helps me to calm down or rise up to a situation, and singing helps me to breathe regularly when I'm losing control. I try to have regular dance parties in my living room, with the lights off and curtains drawn so I can let loose. When I was working, I used meditation daily, and often meditate still. Don't hesitate to meditate.

 

Inviting Inspiration

 “Inspiration does exist, but it must find you working.” – Pablo Picasso

 I'm keeping my phone out of reach today and playing with words and pictures and colours. I took Picasso's quote to heart and already I've had a few good ideas and created an Instagram post. 

I'm happy to have time to spend this way, investing in myself.

Get Up Out of Our Fancy Chairs: Quitting Sitting

I’m trying to pay attention to how much I sit, and just getting up and away from my screens helps. There is always some cleaning and organizing to do inside and outside, and I can always go for a walk. When I’m feeling energetic, I can put on a workout video (I have the FitOn app) or some music to dance to (I like the Apple Music Dance Workout). Even when I can’t think of anything, I can make myself a cup of tea and stand at a window to drink it. 

I’ve been thinking and writing about an article from Shape  that listed 5 ways to slow down or avoid some of the degeneration that is associated with ageing. This is now the fourth point and my fourth post in the series.

The first 2 were about diet: here’s a link to the Omega-3 post and a link to the frequent small meals post.  The third recommendation was this to work out every day (link to my post) and this one today is also about movement.

#4 Stay on your feet

Sitting is bad. “Sitting is the New Smoking” is a popular phrase coined by Dr. James Levine, director of Mayo Clinic at Arizona State University. I hear it all the time. Quitting sitting will be everyone's top New Year's Resolution for 2022. 

The Canada Public Health recommendation on exercise addressed this issue, stating that our goal should be to limit our daily sedentary time to 8 hours or less, including no more than 3 hours of recreational screen time and breaking up long periods of sitting.

You might have a fancy office chair that's ergonomically designed, and that's excellent. If you don't, you (or your boss) should invest in one. Here’s something you can read about that.  Still, you should make sure you get out of it regularly, like every half-hour or so.

Sitting in an Ergonomic Chair

If you have a sedentary job, can you do some standing or walking while you work? When I worked at the office (CWNC), I had an adjustable standing desk and an anti-fatigue mat to stand on. It was excellent. During the pandemic, when I was working at a desk in my bedroom, I frequently went downstairs to make tea, and consequently had frequent bathroom visits, to force myself out of my chair. I was always sure to go to the kitchen, at home or at the office, for my lunch break. There are lots of reasons not to have lunch at your desk. Whenever possible, I would eat outdoors to get some vitamin D and a really good break from work.

Do you sit at a computer or laptop at home in your spare time too, on social media or playing games or watching videos, or do you sit and watch television, Netflix? Can you change your habits to reduce your sitting? Can you take your kids, grandkids, or pet to the park, shoot some baskets, or join a class or a team? Is there a bar or restaurant in walking distance from your home or workplace? Can you watch your show while you do laundry? Cooking and cleaning provide opportunities to stretch and move. Can you think of hobbies that get you out of your seat? 

When the pandemic gets under control, it will be easier to go out and do things. Until then, do what you can. Small movement improvements will help you quit your sitting habit. Even having a cup of tea while standing at a window will make you feel better and get you out of your seat.

Screenshot of my favouite playlist for dancing

 

 

Keeping Moving- Thankful for my Healthy Ageing Body

 I recently wrote about changes I want to make in my diet. Some days more than others, I feel that I am getting older, so I’m looking at making changes. I was partly inspired, partly validated by an article from Shape. 

The article listed 5 ways to slow down or avoid some of the degeneration that is associated with ageing. The first 2 were about diet. I am working on increasing the amount of Omega-3 fatty acids that I consume (link to Omega 3 post) and eating more frequent, smaller meals (link to eating patterns post) to prevent degeneration at a cellular level.  The third recommendation was this:

#3 Work out every day

Exercise has many of the same benefits as those dietary changes, including preventing diseases and maintaining or improving cognitive function. We need to be active and stay active. Check out the list by America’s National Institute on Aging on the benefits of including 4 types of exercise- Endurance, Strength, Balance, and Flexibility- in your active lifestyle.

Shape suggests that “Thirty minutes or more of moderate to intense cardio and resistance exercise most days of the week” should be our goal.

The Canadian Government (Department of Health) includes exercise in its recommended targets for daily movement. I like how they addresses the fact that we sit at our screens too much but believe that we don’t have time to exercise. They agree with Shape that we must be physically active every day, but don’t say “work out”. There is a target for how much time to spend on screens and sedentary activities. There are separate documents for various age groups. Adults aged 18-64 are advised to be physically active each and every day, minimize sedentary behaviour, and achieve sufficient sleep for good health. Here’s what Canada says our targets should be:

CANADIAN 24-HOUR MOVEMENT GUIDELINES:

A healthy 24 hours includes:

•  Performing a variety of types and intensities of physical activity, which includes
• Moderate to vigorous aerobic physical activities such that there is an accumulation of at least 150 minutes per week
• Muscle strengthening activities using major muscle groups at least twice a week
• Several hours of light physical activities, including standing

•  Limiting sedentary time to 8 hours or less, which includes
• No more than 3 hours of recreational screen time, and
• Breaking up long periods of sitting as often as possible

•   Getting 7 to 9 hours of good-quality sleep on a regular basis, with consistent bed and wake-up times

 There is a lot of information on the Canada Public Health site.  I recommend you check it out. I like this page with tips for older adults. There are ideas for what kinds of activities to try to do and how they benefit you. It suggests doing more of activities you enjoy, like dancing and playing with grandchildren, or a playing a sport that you like, and adding things you can do without thinking too much about it, like parking farther from entrances so that you walk more and taking stairs instead of elevators or escalators. It reminds me of eating food instead of taking supplements. You need to move, but you don’t have to get that movement from a HIIT class or on some exercise equipment. Here's one of the things that Public Health page says:

Aerobic activity, like pushing a lawn mower, taking a dance class, or biking to the store, is continuous movement that makes you feel warm and breathe deeply.

I will pay attention to how much time I spend sitting, and will take more turns mowing the lawn, maybe do the cleaning more vigorously, walk the dog more, park farther away from entrances, dance more, and find and seize opportunities to move as I go about my days. I will also do more of my workout videos because I like them. I’ve already started a morning walk habit and most evenings dance or work out, or walk some more. I am establishing work routines and they’re under control at the moment. I’m grateful for my healthy body and I will take care of it. 

Main Street, Newmarket, is a great place to walk.
A break on the Pride bench. 

Sesame Street- Always Groovy- on Healthy Eating

 I've always loved Sesame Street and the Muppets. I watched it when I was little and when my children were little and whenever I see Sesame Street videos, I love them. Part of the Pollyanna thing for me is that my inner child is not even trying to hide; she's always right here bouncing around and looking at the world in awe and wonder.

Today, on my Facebook feed, I saw this. And, I have to share it. Elmo and Abby Cadabby, inspired by the rhythm of their crunching, sing about eating fruits and vegetables and drinking water. The band is so cool!

Just Some Pollyanna Words- Optimistic Me

Some of the words related to OPTIMISTIC are about light. I like that. 

Sunny, sunbeamy, glowing, beaming, lighthearted and lightsome are some words that describe an optimistic person, a ray of sunshine. Starry-eyed is another. I close my eyes and think "starry-eyed" and it's a floaty-fun feeling. I want to be more starry-eyed.

Buoyant makes me happy. I float and swim well and I'm optimistic. Bouncy, bubbly, and effervescent also feel good. When I'm happy, I do bounce and sometimes joy bubbles over. When I was small, some of my older siblings' friends called me Bubbles. I've always had a sunny disposition. 

Upbeat is another word I like. The upbeat in music often signals that something is going to start. I know the importance of the upbeat and I emphasize it in my conducting. When I'm in front of my choir, and we're singing, I can't help but feel upbeat. It's my bliss.

I understand that one can be overly optimistic, and when I was called a Pollyanna, the people meant that they saw my way of thinking as blithe, thoughtless, or panglossian, deluded. I don't see myself that way. I feel bad for people who think that the world is not a nice place and people are untrustworthy and evil by nature and I am naïve to think otherwise. I think otherwise. I think that ugliness is the exception, and even then, it's sometimes a matter of perspective. 

I do have my bad days (and months and even years) when I feel like the light is dim and I become gloomy, dispirited. Throughout the COVID pandemic, I've often felt unstable, mercurial, as my personality swings between gloomy and sunny. My natural disposition is positive. The unnatural social isolation along with the pervasive fear has hurt me, but I am surviving.

I think that this way that I am helps me to be resilient and it attracts all kinds of other positive things and people. I choose to sparkle.

Love this image. I found it here.

Eating Patterns to Update in this New Season

New seasons of the year and new seasons of life require new routines. Even just the need for an extra layer of clothing or the desire for a warm bowl of soup will shift things. This new season of life of mine has me working on how to restructure my days. I’m considering new ways of eating and exercising in addition to a change in my work schedule (and is this work or pastime, this writing?).

Working on this blog has me thinking about how to live my best life as an older person. I’m reading all these articles and social media posts about healthy ageing.  I’m worried about losing my mobility and I want to avoid pain. I want to slow down the trajectory that I’m on and maybe even change direction.

Food is a good place to start. I started thinking about Omega-3 and I'm now buying more fish, and I’ve added a scheduled fish day to my week. I wrote a post about it. The second way to slow down ageing according to the Shape article that I referenced in my Omega-3 post, is to eat smaller meals more often. So, that’s what I’ll focus on next. 

The article says, “Preventing big spikes in insulin can help minimize cellular harm.” The idea is that you want to control your insulin levels to prevent the cellular damage that leads to disease. Like Omega-3 fats, this pattern of eating is being looked at because it seems to be important at a cellular level, meaning that the benefits can be numerous. Weight loss and management of diabetes are the 2 benefits that are mostly listed, but preventing cellular damage is big. Age-related disease and decline in cognitive function and mobility don't have to be inevitable.

I’ve read other articles about type-2 diabetes and dieting that suggest that this kind of grazing routine is best for controlling blood sugar levels, managing hunger, and losing weight. Other articles aim to prove the opposite, that 2 or 3 meals a day are better.

I think a lot depends on how you define a meal. I can imagine that someone looking at the plate of food in Canada’s Food Guide might think that 2 or 3 of those would be way more than enough, too much food for a day. That plate is supposed to represent a pie chart of all the kinds foods you should be eating in a day. I like it better than the pyramid they used to have, suggesting the number of servings of food groups. This new Food Guide has very sensible advice on healthy eating habits. It doesn’t say how often or how much to eat, but recommends being mindful of your eating habits, paying attention to when you’re hungry and when you’re full. The focus is on what to eat, the healthy balance of good foods.

 

Restaurant eating is probably messing up people’s expectations on what a meal should look like. Portions are big and meats and starches are highlights- fish and chips, burgers and fries, spaghetti and meatballs. Maybe it’s a cultural thing?

I don’t like the idea of grazing, because that sounds like eating all the time and not really paying attention. Maybe the grazing folks are snacking all day, avoiding meals altogether, not eating with family?

I do think eating smaller meals at regular intervals makes sense. Maybe we have to adjust our perceptions. Dinner doesn’t have to be big, and breakfast doesn’t have to be sweet. We don’t have to eat the whole meal at a restaurant; we can take half the meal to-go, or share it with a friend (or husband, as my friend Karin does). Our plates and glasses are too big; let’s use smaller ones.

I can do this. I like the idea of using smaller plates, and so yesterday I put away a set of large dinner plates that I had in the cupboard. I’ve already started trying to eat smaller portions. I don’t know if I can do 5 or 6 meals a day, but I can increase to 4 for now. I’m worried that if I can’t control my portions, then I will end up eating more by increasing the number of meals I eat in a day. 

The Shape article also recommended not eating after dinner, leaving 10 hours of fasting. And, they mentioned intermittent fasting. I hesitate to go there, as there are fad diets that have controversial ideas about intermittent fasting. Here’s what Wikipedia says about it:

The US National Institute on Aging stated in 2018 that there is insufficient evidence to recommend intermittent fasting, and encourages speaking to one's healthcare provider about the benefits and risks before making any significant changes to one's eating pattern.^[13]

Not eating after dinner is fine. I can do that. And, if you want to call the time before breakfast a fast, that’s okay too. That’s something that makes sense to me. I’ve always thought that eating too close to bedtime was not good. So, if we’re not eating for a few hours before going to sleep and we sleep for 8 hours, we’re fasting for 10 or 11 hours right there. I've started walking before breakfast too, so that's another hour sometimes. 

This is something I can try to adopt, a new eating routine. I will try to eat smaller meals more often and I will try not to eat or drink after dinner. Cells all over my body will stay healthy and might even rejuvenate. I will continue to be mindful about what and when I eat. I will also take another look at the Canada Food Guide. There was lots of good information there. 

Omega-3 Supplements- Old Pollyanna Thoughts

A lot of people are talking about Omega-3 Fatty Acids. 

They are essential, and something we need to pay attention to as we age. WebMD Healthy Aging says "Omega-3s are nutrients you get from food (or supplements) that help build and maintain a healthy body. They’re key to the structure of every cell wall you have." 

This has been on my radar for quite some time, and increasing Omega-3 was the number one tip to slow down the ageing process in an article from Shape I had saved from 2018. I think I'll post about each of the other 5 tips, now that I'm starting with the first. This one keeps coming up in my life lately.

My brother recommended taking a good Omega-3 supplement to help manage my fuzzy brain. I think it's more of a stress/COVID think for me. But, it's actually possible that it could help.

Dexter's vet recommended giving him an Omega-3 supplement to help with his stiff muscles, so now we have a bottle of these things in our fridge and Harry will also pop one occasionally. Who doesn't have stiff muscles occasionally? Inflammation and bone and joint health are things we do need to pay attention to as we age. 

I am not a fan of supplements. I avoid taking pills whenever possible. And, the WebMD article emphasizes the fact that people should consult a doctor before taking an Omega-3 supplement, as there are risks. There are lots of reasons not to take supplements. I like food, so I prefer to eat well. I have started buying more fresh and frozen salmon, and canned sardines and herring. I love the saucy herring from Germany because it reminds me of parcels from my Oma. I've been making maple glazed salmon once a week since Pat (YRCC Soprano) gave me that big bottle of maple syrup. Lots of things I eat are good sources: eggs, meat, nuts, spinach, brussels spouts, etc. I look at labels and I'm happy to see that other foods that I eat are providing me with some of this miracle thing. I will supplement my diet with foods, especially whole foods that I like. 

Yummy source of Omega-3

Although Wikipedia says that more research needs to be done, current research is inconclusive, to prove the many ways which Omega-3 supplements can help us, science suggests lots of possibilities. I think the supplement part is problematic, but the chemistry and biology points to lots of benefits from these essential fatty acids.

Here in a Healthline article, there are these 17:

1. Omega-3s Can Fight Depression and Anxiety

2. Omega-3s Can Improve Eye Health

3. Omega-3s Can Promote Brain Health During Pregnancy and Early Life

4. Omega-3s Can Improve Risk Factors for Heart Disease

5. Omega-3s Can Reduce Symptoms of ADHD in Children

6. Omega-3s Can Reduce Symptoms of Metabolic Syndrome

7. Omega-3s Can Fight Inflammation

8. Omega-3s Can Fight Autoimmune Diseases

9. Omega-3s Can Improve Mental Disorders

10. Omega-3s Can Fight Age-Related Mental Decline and Alzheimer’s Disease

11. Omega-3s May Help Prevent Cancer

12. Omega-3s Can Reduce Asthma in Children

13. Omega-3s Can Reduce Fat in Your Liver

14. Omega-3s May Improve Bone and Joint Health

15. Omega-3s Can Alleviate Menstrual Pain

16. Omega-3 Fatty Acids May Improve Sleep

17. Omega-3 Fats Are Good For Your Skin

 

Here's another article with a big list and this nice picture of foods to eat. Supplement your diet with these: 

Supplement your diet with whole foods

Could Old Pollyanna become a Granfluencer?

I recently saw the word "granfluencer" and wondered if that was something I could aspire to be. I am, after all, Old Pollyanna, and I hope to be a grandmother someday. Could I become a granfluencer?

I did a couple Google searches. I looked up influencer and granfluencer. Here is what I found: 

What is an influencer?

An influencer is simply someone who has influence over others' buying decisions. In other words, it's someone who has the influence, the authority over or trust of, a certain group of people. In marketing parlance, an influencer is someone who causes others to make specific consumer decisions.

What Is A Granfluencer? 

Granfluencers are here to change your perspective of seniors – they are ripping up these stereotypes, chewing them up, and spitting them back out. They are influencers that are showing you that you can be fabulous, whatever age you are.

Well, if "influencers" exist on social media to influence people's buying habits, then I don't think I want to do that. Maybe I could if there were products and small businesses that I really wanted to support? 

I don't think I'll ever be "an influencer", but I hope to influence a few people. I hope that I can make someone feel better about themself and about the world every time I conduct a concert and any time I write a blog post. Actually I'm quite sure that I've helped people feel positive about themselves and the world at my concerts, the choristers and audience members alike. I like to think that I'm being a good example to my children and that they will also influence people. I want people to love themselves and other people and our planet. I believe that music helps. 

I do admire the granfluencers that I looked up. They are out there being good examples of ageing without fitting into a stereotype, without fitting into a mold of senior citizen, or grandmother. If they influence people to love themselves more when they don't fit into a particular mold, then I love that. And, I think that's just what they're doing. They apparently have big followings on Instagram and TikTok. All kinds of people will have to adjust their perceptions of seniors, how older folk should act or look. We can be stylish, or outlandish, or cute as we get older. We can be fun and smart and goofy. We can have grey or white hair and wrinkles and still be youthful and beautiful. 

This is from the New York Times from a couple years ago:

The Glamorous Grandmas of Instagram

The subversive cadre of women over 60 prove that “old” is not what it used to be. “These women are ambassadors of age,” said Ari Seth Cohen, the creator of Advanced Style, a popular street style blog, two books and a film documenting, in his words, the “fashion and wisdom of the senior set.” His subjects, he noted, are simultaneously reflecting and contributing to a gradual shift in the common perception of aging. “The idea of what these older women look like has changed,” Mr. Cohen said. “If they were stylish in their youth, they will still be stylish now. They continue to be who they were.”  

I've let my hair go grey because I saw other women with grey and white hair who looked younger than I am and looked great. It's so good that we can see ourselves represented in social media, and more and more in the regular media as well. Men have always looked great with grey or white hair. Men have always been allowed to age. For women to age openly is "subversive". I've been called "brave" to wear my hair naturally. But, that is changing, thanks in part to the granfluencers. Soon it will be common. 

Here I am rocking my silver locks.

Do they still say that blondes have more fun? Well, apparently silver is the new blonde.  I like that! (That's a nice website supporting positive ageing you can check out.) I do have fun with my natural silver highlights. I'm the same, haven't really changed since I was a girl with a blonde bob. I can feel just as fabulous as I did when I was in my twenties and had natural blonde highlights. Attitude is important, and I've always had a good attitude, but representation helps. 

I frequently read about the importance of representation for girls and women, for indigenous and black people, and people with disabilities in media and the arts and in work places. Diversity is positive. Everybody deserves to be loved; we should love everyone. Please include all different kinds of people everywhere, and please include older people everywhere too, especially older women who look like older women. We are fabulous.  

Positive Mindlessness: Automatic Habits for Successful Growth

Most of the good things I do every day I do without even thinking. The things I do automatically, by habit, keep me heathy and safe and kind. 

Many of these things were drilled into me when I was little, like saying please and thank you and picking things up when they fall down, making my bed, tidying up, clearing the snow from the walkway, all kinds of good habits I do because they're automatic or just the right thing to do. 

Brushing my teeth is a good example. After breakfast and before I go to bed, I brush my teeth. The way that I brush, the way I use the toothpaste and the water, and the way I leave the bathroom when I'm done are all automatic. I can do it while half-asleep and with my eyes closed half the time. 

According to James Clear, if I can piggyback a change I want to make onto that toothbrushing habit, I'll have a good chance of making that new goal into a habit. If I want to take better care of my skin and lips, I could add a moisturizing routine while I'm in the bathroom and looking at the sink. At first, I will have to be mindful, but later, it will become mindless, easy, just part of who I am (the kind of person who takes care of her skin and lips, who ages gracefully). 

I highly recommend the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. It's inspiring.

I already know that I can learn to do new things and turn them into habits. I keep my clean masks and hand sanitizer by the door so that I remember to grab them whenever I leave the house. I drop my mask in the dirty laundry basket when I return. I've only been doing this since the summer of 2020. 

I started walking every morning, and I've been doing it 6 out of 7 days a week for about the same amount of time, about a year. My walking buddy (Dexter) helps to keep me consistent. He's terribly disappointed with me when I fail and I hate to disappoint him. I will stick with the daily walk and will add more healthy activity so that I can stay mobile and active for my future grandchildren.

I am working on creating a vision of who I wish to become, and I know some of the things I need to do to become that new version of myself. I think I'll keep the ideas from Atomic Habits handy right here to help me.

Here is a good summary of the book as a refresher to look back on. It comes from a cool website that I discovered https://www.samuelthomasdavies.com/ "the best nonfiction book summaries resource on the planet".  I've only included the main ideas here. Follow this link to read the full summary: Samuel T. Davies Book Summary Or, buy the James Clear book and read it yourself. It's excellent. 

The Book in Three Sentences

1. An atomic habit is a regular practice or routine that is not only small and easy to do but is also the source of incredible power; a component of the system of compound growth.
2. Bad habits repeat themselves again and again not because you don’t want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change.
3. Changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you’re willing to stick with them for years.

The Five Big Ideas

1.  Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement.
2.  If you want better results, then forget about setting goals. Focus on your system instead.
3. The most effective way to change your habits is to focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become.
4. The Four Laws of Behavior Change are a simple set of rules we can use to build better habits. They are (1) make it obvious, (2) make it attractive, (3) make it easy, and (4) make it satisfying.
5. Environment is the invisible hand that shapes human behavior.   

Slow Food and Slow Ageing

Slow Food and Slow Living, the Slow Movement, started back in the late 1980s and 1990s in Europe in part as a reaction to and defense against fast food restaurants like McDonald's. 

The struggle continues. Avoiding fast food is a huge topic. Slow Food is becoming more important in connection with climate change and in reaction to all the take-out food we’ve been eating during the COVID pandemic.

When my children were little, I was a stay-at-home mom. We had one modest income and a very small home with a nice garden. The first foods my babies ate were things from my garden. We tried to avoid spending money eating out and rarely had fast food, but we did indulge in a Big Mac on occasion. Burger King was a fun treat too. 

My mother didn't trust preservatives, additives, chemicals in foods, and didn't like "junk food" (junk food definition varies, right?), and my friends and neighbours were mostly of Italian heritage and their parents also looked down on fast food and junk food, so I was already indoctrinated. Still, the draw of the salty and sweet and fatty and colourful fast food and packaged processed foods is strong, hard to resist. It's harder to resist when your children become aware of it.

Being a stay-at-home mom was already in 1996 an anachronism. All of my friends had full-time jobs. I was not afraid of being different; I was raised to think independently. This choice of lifestyle is something that made it easy for me to embrace Slow Living and Slow Food, although I wasn’t really familiar with them. Without being aware of the term, I was also Slow Parenting. 

I am now discovering Slow Ageing. And, it’s another thing that I am falling into without even trying. I have to read Carl Honore’s 2019 book Bolder: Making the Most of our Longer Lives. It sounds like the perfect thing for me. Carl Honore wrote In Praise of Slow: Challenging the Cult of Speed in 2004 and became the “godfather of the Slow Movement”.

Here’s what Honore says about Bolder on his website:

My first three books took down the canard that faster is always better. BOLDER is about shooting down the myth that younger is always better.

 The Amazon description of Bolder includes this:

We'll embrace the idea that we can carry on learning from start to finish; that we can work less and devote more time to family, leisure, and giving back to our communities in our middle years; and that we can remain active and engaged in our later years.

“Slow Ageing” (corrected to the American spelling aging) shows up on the internet mostly in advertisements for Anti-Ageing products. Anti-Ageing products, attractive things full of chemicals and empty promises, are just like Fast Food. They do not slow down the ageing process. You’re still ageing, you might just look younger. And why would you want to do that? Because it’s flashy and heavily advertised?

The articles I actually looked at were about staying healthy and happy as you get older. Slow Ageing is really an idea that is in opposition to Anti-Aging. Slow Ageing is Pro-Aging. Yes, ageing, let’s do this thing! It’s good and natural and worth doing well. Like Slow Food.

Bring on the grey hair and laugh lines; I don’t mind looking older in that way. But, I don’t want to stoop or walk stiffly (which I currently do sometimes). I want to be able to move without pain, get up out of a chair without feeling old, and I want to dance forever. Pain makes me cranky. I aim to be a cute grandmother, a fun one, not a cranky one. I want to avoid or put off the walker, the pain killers. I joked with my colleagues that my 5-year plan was to be a stay-at-home grandma. To that end, I retired early to start to take care of myself. The desk work and stress were making me unhappy and unhealthy, ageing me in ways I didn’t like.

Basically, Slow Ageing turns out to be a simple extension of Slow Living. From what I’ve read so far, I’ve extracted the following simple ways to help you age gracefully, to help me age gracefully.

1.     Eat well. Avoid (eliminate if you can) fast food, chemicals, processed foods, packaged foods.

Eat fresh food, and eat it mindfully. Drink lots of water. There’s a lot of good information about eating. Choose what sounds best to you. “You are what you eat” is true. Look into Slow Food.

2.     Keep moving. Avoid sitting.

Exercise regularly doing things you enjoy. Be mindful of simple opportunities to move more, like taking stairs instead of elevators or walking to your friend’s house instead of driving, cleaning your own house and gardening instead of hiring a service. Get outside to walk and play, and while you enjoy other benefits of being in nature move your body. Fresh air and exercise will help you to sleep well. Sleep is important. Organized activities are good too. See below. Look into joining the Seniors’ Centre. Look into Slow Living and Slow Travel.

3.     Take care of your mind and heart. Avoid negativity.

Keep learning and growing intellectually and challenge your ideas and beliefs. By keeping an open mind, you can always find something positive in everything and everyone, like Pollyanna. Nurture your relationships and build new ones. Connecting with people is important for lots of reasons. Singing in a choir is a perfect thing to do. In the York Region Community Choir, we are learning all the time and connecting with people (old friends and always new ones too), getting out of our houses moving our bodies, and singing about big positive themes. We grow. We practise mindful breathing. We feel joy. You can also take a dance class or an art class, or join a group of people who practise Tai Chi. These will all benefit your bodies and minds and hearts.

That’s it in a nutshell. There are so many interesting things to learn about what kinds of foods are best for different things and what kinds of exercise are best for different things, and when it’s the best time to eat or move. Research continues to show new ideas. We’ll keep learning, right? And, let’s do it together! I hope to do more socially now, so maybe I’ll give you a call. 

Staying Positive during the COVID Pandemic: Working at it

I lost it. My positivity. I became moody, emotional, agitated, sad. My ability to reframe negative experiences slowly disappeared. I cried every day for one reason or another. 

I tried lots of ways to stay positive during the COVID pandemic to varying degrees of success. Most of them were the usual recommended ones, and some of them the usual unhealthy ones. 

I gained weight because I often chose comfort foods and "fun" foods and beverages, like potato chips and vodka as rewards or compensation. I used alcohol to feel better, almost a drink a day for some time. I would feel okay about it because I wasn’t drinking in the daytime or more than one a day. For the 2021 new year, I resolved to eat better and to drink less, to cut down to 2 or 3 drinks a week. It's getting there, but we're half way through the year already, and I'm still drinking more than that. I haven’t started using legal marijuana, so that’s something, right? I make big efforts to eat better but then I reward myself with treats like desserts or poutine or a fancy drink. Ugh. 

The Canadian and American public health websites had prominent lists of ways to take care of our mental health during COVID. I’ll go down the Canadian list to show how I’m doing and what I’ve done to push myself out of my funk.

Tips for taking care of yourself (From the Government of Canada site):

• Stay informed but take breaks from social media and the news.
• Practise physical distancing, but stay socially connected to friends and family through:
  • email
  • phone calls
  • video chats
  • social media
• Practise mindfulness by:
  • stretching
  • meditating
  • taking deep breaths
• Try to:
  • eat healthy meals
  • exercise regularly
  • get plenty of sleep
• Follow safe food handling and cooking practices to keep you and your family safe by killing the virus and lowering your risk of infection.
• Think about how to use any unexpected flexibility in your daily routine.
• Focus on the positive aspects of your life and things you can control.
• Be kind and compassionate to yourself and others.
• If you can, limit your use of substances.
  • If you do use substances, practise safer use and good hygiene.

1. Stay informed but take breaks:

Avoiding the news was a big one. I've been doing that forever though. I’ve never been comfortable watching TV news. I can’t stand CP24. I get highlights, enough to keep relatively current, mostly through social media. I don't use Twitter at all anymore but I spend way too much time on Facebook and Instagram. I actually set up a time limit on my phone to curb that. Hearing about COVID deaths was upsetting, all that data was stressful. Now that I’m not working, I’m at a computer way less, and can put my phone away for long breaks.

2. Stay apart but connected:

Hearing and seeing friends and family doing well and posting positive things on social media is always wonderful. Zoom dates, and FaceTime, Messenger, and Houseparty have all been great ways to see people I couldn't see. Connecting electronically has saved us. I saw some friends and family members more in video calls than before, because we live so far apart. At work, we used Teams for meeting and collaborating. It was good, but people didn’t all have access to use video, and although I tried to get everyone to at least have a profile photo, not everyone did. It was good, but, it was disappointing and it wasn’t enough. Management also pressured us into returning to the office, which was unsettling. I do think that seeing the people you work with is important. Connecting socially is important for workplaces too. Remote work is fine if there are good opportunities to connect. 

3. Stay mindful:

Mindfulness is great when you can break through the clouds of depression. I installed the Calm (www.calm.com) app so that I could use the guided meditations and calming music. It helped. Breathing with rhythm is something I’m pretty good at. Breathing I can do. I’m also good at gratitude. I’ve always been positive in that way, recognizing all of the things that I have to be thankful for. Still, sometimes I would have to remind myself to breathe and take notice of my blessings. Stretching is another story. I'm not so great at that so I'm trying to become more flexible. 

4. Stay healthy:

I’m a good breather and also a good sleeper. It sounds like nothing, but being mindful and grateful for calming breaths and good restful sleep helps. For exercise, I started walking Dexter every morning. It helped to exercise and to appreciate the trees and parks in my neighbourhood. Walking in our neighbourhoods has been the only way to get of the house that so many of us have had for the past year or so. Something fun and active that I do at least once weekly is have a “dance party”, where I put on loud dance music and dance around the house. My older child who lives at home joins me. I use music to calm myself and to energize myself, to help myself focus and to block out the world. I already mentioned that eating and drinking are an issue. But, I recently visited a new doctor and tests showed good blood pressure and cholesterol and iron and all the usual things that they check. I’m grateful for this healthy body of mine. I've got to be sure to keep it healthy. 

5. Keep safe shopping and preparing food:

We eat home-cooked meals almost exclusively and have always done so. Because of personal preferences, we tend to over-cook things. Staying safe in the kitchen is not new or difficult for us. I enjoy preparing food so I’m always reading about it too, and that keeps me informed. Harry has been the hero and done most of the grocery shopping throughout the pandemic, especially at the beginning. Our grocery stores are careful and safe, and we can go shopping when there aren’t many other shoppers. Something new that we started during the pandemic is that we occasionally enjoy ordering dinner from local restaurants for delivery or pick-up. Maybe when we can go out again, we'll visit them more regularly too.

6. Stay positive and kind:

I’ve included all of the last points from the list (except substance use. Mine is alcohol and I’ve talked about that) in this section. For me, they all fit together. I am being more positive and kinder to myself and others now that I have taken care of my schedule by leaving my job. Flexibility in my schedule was something that I didn’t have while I was working, and my free time was a thing I didn’t manage well. I felt that I couldn’t take advantage of free time because I was exhausted, spent, and cranky after work. I tried to take lunch breaks on my deck, and tried to keep work and home separate. It only worked a bit. Ultimately, there was little I could do to control how much I was working. It was hard to stay positive when my days were spent under pressure and I became more and more sad and angry and less and less positive. I would catch myself being sarcastic and swearing at people and then I’d feel even worse. Removing myself from work was the answer for me. Apparently it’s been a common occurrence during the pandemic. People are retiring early, as the financial situation seems less important than it used to. How much money do you really need? How can we manage differently?

June 2021: 

I had to make a major life change in order to survive, to pull myself up and find the positivity that I had lost. The problems at work weren’t new. The extra stress of COVID didn’t make me crazy, or just overly sensitive, but it made me unable to control my reactions to things, kind of like a year of PMS. And, I was exhausted. The lack of social time and all the other losses we experienced due to the pandemic highlighted the importance of family and friends, home and nature, and self-care. “The Company” would be fine without me. So, I left my job. I retired early, without a pension or a gold watch, but still young, only 57. I'm going to take some time over the summer to relax and take care of myself, my family and my friends. When and if I decide to take a job again, it will have to be slower-paced and more meaningful. I'm currently giving some of my time to my choir, which makes me very happy. I'm taking time to play piano and guitar and ukulele, trying to see if I can accompany myself singing. Singing is something I love and feel strongly about. I want to sing with people. I also love writing, so I'm spending time here too. 

My positivity is coming back, but only because I've made changes and I'm making efforts. My natural good nature only takes me so far, and the rest depends on thoughtful, careful choices. A positive personality is something that has to be cultivated and nurtured, otherwise, it can wilt, apparently. The good news is that it can also grow. (I’ll drink to that!-wait…)