Feeling the Opposite of Pollyanna

Is the opposite of a Pollyanna a curmudgeon? Whatever you call it, that's how I'm feeling.

I'm done playing the glad game. I'm not trying to find something to be glad about these days. I'm sitting deep in my grouchy couch feeling only like crying or cussing. 

Since Christmas, I've been experiencing something like the post-show blues I get after a choir performance. It's happened before. There were years when I'd be sick in bed for a week after Christmas. Once all the hoopla was over, a virus would hit and I'd be forced to stop. 

This year, the hoopla was cancelled again. It was worse this year because I had hoped to have a real Christmas. I had hopes and plans for Christmas 2021. I planned to host my side, a dinner for 12 for Christmas Day, and my best friend's family, a dinner for 8, on Boxing Day. Christmas Eve was supposed to be church at church and then out to my husband's side. Church was the best ever, a service planned and led by my talented Vix with her guitar, Christmas dinner was wonderful, even if it was just 4 of us. Zoom calls were lovely. I was fine, but now I'm not.

Usually, I'm a sunny person, but these days, I'm feeling overwhelmed with negative emotions. Here is my current "top 10": sadness, anger, disappointment, shame, frustration, impatience, repulsion, fear, worry, and despair.

I've had good moments, even good days. It will flip back again. I'll have bad days and bad moments. This too will pass. 

This too shall pass.

from Wikipedia:

Curmudgeon: a person (especially an old man) who is easily annoyed or angered and who often complains.

Synonyms for curmudgeon: bear, bellyacher, complainer, crab, crank, croaker, crosspatch, fusser, griper, grouch, grouser, growler, grumbler, grump, murmurer, mutterer, sourpuss, whiner.